Is it true, is it you?

poison_mekare @ 2009-06-19T19:15:00

2009-06-19T23:23:50Z

So we went to the park. Now I'm sitting here listening to nirvana and I'm about to go back to work. I want to finish another hour and a half worth of compiling lists for Emily's dad, then I'm going to work on more experimenting with music.

The reason I'm doing it is because I always just accepted that I'm a better music lover than a music maker. But I'd like to see what I am capable of. My last lyrics were pretty embarrassing haha. But I've always been embarrassed about anything I did artistically, whether it was good or not. And anyway you don't get good at anything if you give up before you even start trying. And really I'm sure the reason I failed at my musical endeavors was because, no one was willing or able to explain it to me. You can't send a newbie into a situation and expect them to know what to do right away, I never really got into it and the pressure to produce stuff of value didn't help. I always need to get deep into an artists mindset before I can start to create any art that is better than trash.

I'm excited to do it. To be honest I'd rather just start doing that now. But, I'm exercising self control and finishing a bit more work first. I have drawbacks such as lacking technical knowledge of chords and such. Right now I'm focusing more on the breakdown of constructing lyrics according to the mood and the message of the song.

I haven't told many people about it since it's kind of embarrassing. :P

Morgellons proven to exist, take that skeptical psychologists!

2009-06-17T16:34:00Z

FUCKING WOW MAN!!! My doctor from the walk-in clinic near our house has been researching this strange illness for years, since he first detected it in his cat, and then in himself (he'd likely been infected from the cat). It's a fungus of some sort that shows signs of being sentient, it jumps around and it hides when it's in danger. It grows out of the skin in lesions that don't heal as little fibres. Most psychologists and Dermatologists currently believe that Morgellons is not a real disease. The head dermatologist of the CDC does NOT believe that Morgellons exists. Well, now Conrad has proven that it DOES. Currently many morgellons sufferers are being diagnosed as having delusional parasitosis, aka "it's all in your mind", since the disease makes them have itchy skin as if there was bugs crawling under it. They reject the fibres even though they are offered for evidence. After being sent to a fibre specialist who ran it under his machine it was shown not to match any known fibre. Still that was not enough to convince the medical establishment. Well thankfully now Conrad has been able to pinpoint the cause and prove that it does exist and can give Morgellons sufferers legitimacy in their quest for treatment.

At first he didn't mention (maybe the lesions hadn't shown up yet, it's a progressive disease) the fibres and he wasn't going to call it Morgellons, but then they showed up and he was able to make a positive diagnosis. He's been pulling fibres from his feet.

There's a specific light under which it's more readily visible, and he has photos and video to prove it. I've seen it with my own eyes, he showed it to us about 6 months ago, before he was calling it Morgellons, back then he was joking about calling it Lansdowne disease, because of the location of the clinic, haha.

So the next step is to replicate the research with other Morgellons sufferers, don't you think? Plus, have it'll be peer reviewed if it hasn't already. I'm not sure if he's done either of those yet, but in any case, he's got a book being published, the first publishing is 10 thousand copies but I'm sure he will get a second publishing, it's pretty much breakthrough evidence!

I remember I read that someone online found relief with an experimental bath treatment mixing some different things together, it seemed to stop the fibres from coming back for a while. I had it saved on a computer but I don't think it's on this one anymore. I will search this computer, but if not I will try to find it online again and print it out to give him to use in his testing. If it works, it would at least be a step in the right direction for a cure!

I am VERY excited about this, if you hadn't noticed! hehehe

Morgan

poison_mekare @ 2009-03-23T11:01:00

2009-03-23T15:03:17Z

So I saw US of Tara online just now, I have to say the show really suffers from having to be only 30 minutes long, they cut out a lot of the interesting bits and just shove it into the part at the beginning "previously on US of Tara" but of course it wasn't in the previous episode...

sigh. I wish it was an hour long! That could also just be me being greedy as I love the show so much that I go "awww noooo please don't be over" whenever the 30 minutes is up.

poison_mekare @ 2009-03-07T11:11:00

2009-03-07T19:24:26Z

I was feeling blah earlier since I've been stalled at 179 lbs for the last 5 weeks, that's only 8 lbs more than I weighed two weeks post birth, and only 12 lbs more than my pre pregnancy weight, but it's still a lot for someone as short as me to carry around. I turned around my mood though. I guess my first goal is to weigh 165 or so, then I can go down from there.

I'm feeling pretty great right now, I just worked out on the bench, I used 15 lbs dumb bells to work my triceps and I did fly presses, and for my lower body I put 50 lbs on the leg part and I lifted that front and back, and I modify it so I elevate my upper body and get a good ab workout at the same time, since I really hate crunches, but this feels good. I did a second round, but I upped the weight to 70 lbs for the legs.

Then I hopped for two minutes, lol. Anything to get the heart pumping some more. I'd hop some more but my ankle is kinda complaining so I gotta take it easy. I'm going to do some more cardio later when April goes for her nap, as I conveniently have the apartment to myself all day today, muahahaha! I'm thinking bop ups, and sun salutations, maybe some kind of inner thigh workout. I think part of the reason I hold my weight well (other than a higher muscle to fat ratio than average) is because I tend to hold my fat towards the inside of my thighs instead of my hips. As long as I'm wearing pants I look pretty good lol. I'm not really an hour glass but I'm also not an apple, pear or square. I'm ~special~ OOOooo

Ok, Ciao!

poison_mekare @ 2009-03-06T01:55:00

2009-03-06T10:17:44Z

Feeling kinda down. I haven't completed my goal yet (my old foe: depression induced laziness, dunno what else to call it) and we haven't done our taxes yet. I had to cancel my work tonight because chris had a second interview with Woodbine, the place that I wanted him to work so much cause they pay more. He's also been offered a place at queen's park that pays a ridiculously good wage. Isn't that place haunted? lol... Maybe I'm thinking of something else.

Anyway Chris got the job with Woodbine but its not going to be full time until early April, which is when he'll see the pay go up.

I'm going to attempt to get April's health card renewed today. I am so socially anxious about going to those offices but I can't leave it any longer. I wish Chris would just go deal with it nothing like this bothers him. It really bothers me a lot! I hate government type places, or anywhere I need to file for official papers, that's why I liked doing it over the phone or calling in for papers I can mail back --although that intimidates me too, just not as much. I'm slightly phone phobic, sometimes worse than other times, but going in person bothers me even more.

I'm the worst mom... Waiting so long to get this done! I just get really overwhelmed with the stress of even thinking about it.

I'm becoming a regular foodie!

2009-02-17T02:45:23Z

I am officially a fan of Indian food (well, not so much curry, but masala is all good). I never used to like spicy food but Chris has made me a convert. We went to this wee little indian food buffet close to Pearson called Indian Sweets and Restaurant. It was freaking good, and I LOOOOVE butter chicken, and the tofu peas masala (I don't even like peas lol but it was good), and the chickpea masala? I didn't taste curry anyway. with rice and lots of buttered naan and some gulab jamun for dessert... it was amazing. Oh and I had some cucumber and lettuce plain to help counteract the spiciness.

I am determined to make my own Indian food so I've been youtube-ing the recipes and looking at the reviews lol. So delicious! I already know how to make gulab jamun. It's a little hard but worth it by far! The rest of the food seems really easy to make, too!

To think, all this time I avoided Indian food because I tried it once and didn't like it when I was like 11 or 12 and super picky. My tastes really have changed a lot.

poison_mekare @ 2009-02-13T12:00:00

2009-02-13T20:11:26Z

So today I'm getting glasses... Coool I wonder if I'll look good in them. I think they might make me look older, maybe more sophisticated or something. It depends on the kind of glasses I guess.

Ok off I go then.

poison_mekare @ 2009-02-10T12:01:00

2009-02-10T05:06:03Z

So over the last few months I've started having little pains in my ovaries when I ovulate. LOL. That's kinda cool that I can tell when I'm popping out the eggs. This month it happened on both sides but at different times. I wonder if that's because my family is prone to having fraternal twins. My maternal grandfather was a fraternal twin.

So that's my TMI for the day. :)

costumes

2008-11-01T16:40:23Z

So April was a pirate for halloween, we got really lucky with the weather, it was a warm day and a warm night, she didn't even need her coat!!! I couldn't believe it.

This is mine, I tried get as good a shot of it as I could... my mom didn't want to take a picture of me, she had a headache and was laying down. So suffice it to say I was wearing a little black dress (with a crappy sweetheart neckline, but whatever) in between the head shot and the legs shot. It only cost me $1 for the horns, the rest(makeup etc) was stuff I already had, I threw it together at the last moment.

So I was a she-devil. hehe. No tail or pitchfork but we'll ignore that little detail.

stolen from sali mali

2008-10-24T13:47:24Z

Google Halloween and the year of your birth and post the best picture from the results

Mine
Halloween 1985:

poison_mekare @ 2008-09-20T17:56:00

2008-09-20T21:57:12Z

There's coke in the fridge. I didn't buy it... I didn't have any... but it's there and it's looking at me...

So is this day five of no coke? How many days has it been? Headaches are gone but yeah the cravings are still strong.

Trying to force myself to choose nasty tap water over delicious coke...

Okay I'm going to go get a big glass of nasty tap water.

poison_mekare @ 2008-09-19T10:36:00

2008-09-19T14:37:37Z

I know that every other woman has gotten spam like this, but I can't help but giggle when they tell me I need to increase the width of my "man-pole"...

tee hee.

Okay, carry on :P

Morgan

poison_mekare @ 2008-09-03T16:37:00

2008-09-03T20:43:35Z

Ahh yeah. Thank goodness, I was right!

One time fee, henceforth the monthly basic cost will be just under $90. Heed me, rogers! Next time TELL your customers WHERE the extra fees come from!

Then the shoe drops...

2008-09-03T20:28:56Z

Excuse me, what? My $55 monthly for two phones 3 year contract bill actually costs $160 monthly???

Is this not false advertising? We didn't get any bells and whistles, we picked $0 phones, we don't even have call display. I can see it costing $80-100 monthly. I know rogers tends to screw their customers up the behind with random fees, but you can't charge three times of the advertised cost without an explanation!!!

Chris is currently at the rogers store demanding an explanation. The cost includes both phones, no it's not $55 each. It's $55 for both. Plus system access fees. Okay, fine. But I'm sorry something isn't adding up here! There's no proper breakdown of charges on the bill, either. I know that "charges vary from region to region" but let's be realistic here.

I'm waiting to hear what's going on. Clearly someone isn't being upfront about the true cost. I expected this to a smaller degree, but over $100 in additional charges above and beyond the advertised fee? I can't see more than $30 or $40 in additional unadvertised monthly fees. More than that is outrageous.

I think its a one time activation fee? That's fine but if you're going to throw fees at people the least you can do is give them a proper breakdown on their bill of why it costs so damn much, especially when its three times the advertised cost. Plus it would be good to know how much it will cost in actuality from here on, if indeed this outrageous price reflects a one time activation fee. I hate the cloak and dagger bullshit. Cloak = "regional costs may vary." Instead of telling me that, why not tell me what MY regional costs will be. Is it truly that much harder to specify? All of your regions should have the information that is pertinent to that region! Not some bullshit "you don't get to find out what it costs until you get the bill" bullshit.

Yeah I'm a little pissed. They just served our asses to us on a plate. Now I'm waiting to hear why it's justified. Guaranteed they will explain it away. Now lets hope that $160 is not an ongoing monthly cost!

poison_mekare @ 2008-08-15T09:54:00

2008-08-15T13:56:07Z

Huzzah!!! I've got a dentist appointment at 4:15 !!! this means I will have to cancel my work tonight too. Chris is worried I'll be fired over it. Not at all. I don't think so anyway. Denise is always there she can take over for me.

Note to self: this has been a really really crappy month for work/money. Better be careful. Maybe I will have to advertise more on craigslist to work a few extra days.

Just to stay afloat. *bitter laugh* Yes saving money is going oh so well when suddenly chris can't afford to buy ANY of the groceries and I have to pay part of the rent. Between making three hundred less monthly here, and paying out the extra three hundred towards his car...

Well I guess he'll have to tighten his belt then. I wonder how he expects to stay afloat acting like this when I'm not living here?

I'm sticking around long enough to get the other tooth taken care of on his benefits. Three years I've been with him and always come last. There was never any money for me to have my teeth taken care of, so cavities festered to this point. Well screw it! I'm not going anywhere until my teeth are taken care of via his work benefits. If I can't save up enough while living with him then he will have to tighten his belt when I move in with my mom to save.

I understand why he doesn't want to, but I really wish he would accept the offer from the military. Just go! Do the only job that makes sense for you!

He said if it weren't for April he'd do it in a heartbeat.

poison_mekare @ 2008-08-06T01:22:00

2008-08-06T05:23:34Z

Damnit. I'm going to lose that spot at Ester's house. Her husband said they only wanted me to come if I was available for sundays, so far that's been okay, but now Edward scheduled me for a 10 hour shift on sunday. not to mention 5 hours on friday and 6 hours on saturday. A girl went on vacation so we all had to shift our schedule. That's not so great for me. I was making $120 per month with this couple, and now I don't know what my future sundays will look like. guess I'll have to advertise for my days off and hope for the best.

poison_mekare @ 2008-07-27T20:28:00

2008-07-28T00:28:33Z

Today was okay, the vacuum messed up at Ester's (the old lady) house and they're going to take it to get fixed tomorrow.

I found out that they hadn't once changed the belt in two years hehe. They're supposed to be checked and changed once in a while anyway, they didn't know about that.

I was so flattered, Ester said that I was so young and pretty. Damn that's the first compliment I've had in longer than I can remember, lol. I didn't even have any makeup on (as per usual), and we all know how my eyes all but disappear if I'm not wearing mascara, heh. I felt pretty today. I've been working on trying to do little things to feel pretty. I'm tired o

I ordered in food from my work lol. I hope they don't get mad over that. Is that rude? I only live a short distance from there (seriously, a laughably short distance) but I was tired from cleaning at Ester's (amd not getting much sleep last night haha) and wanted to just rest, and Chris wouldn't walk there for me, hell he wouldn't even call in. I had Chris answer the door, at least. Didn't want an awkward moment with the boss (who also makes the deliveries). Hey I gave a good tip.

I don't know, I'm sure they'll say something the next time I go in, if it bothered them (that's if they even noticed the address).

Anyway I won't call in much anymore b/c of the whole money saving thing. I've been spending more than I mean to. I'm not too bad off though. I can't wait to go see the dark knight with my mom.

I guess I've just been spending a little money on things I haven't been able to afford in a long time. After a while you just need to allow a little frivolity into your life. Plus foods IT for me. That's where I feel justified spending money.

poison_mekare @ 2008-07-10T22:43:00

2008-07-11T02:52:03Z

keyboard fucked, spilled coke. ruined 4ever

got the job, start saturday!

baking almond butter cookies, yum!

UIO cvmuioss fjkluiocvedfjiorurbnafjkl! Yeah, exactly. LOL Lots of editing to get a clear message.

damn

<3 Morgan

poison_mekare @ 2008-06-22T01:33:00

2008-06-22T05:45:21Z

Oh My Fucking GOD.

I went into the washroom and looked around and peed thinking "aw great there's no spiders in here" (cause I'd had to kill a medium sized spider in there recently and I've been on the watch since then) then I looked at the floor and there was a giant fucking black ass spider. The biggest spider I have ever seen in my whole life. I had just walked right over it with bare feet and luckily didn't step on it. OMG I would have died to have a big black mushed spider stuck to my bare feet with all the legs sticking out at odd angles.

It seemed to be handicapped somehow. I hopped over it into the kitchen *shudder* and grabbed an empty jar and covered it. I tried to push it over with the jar but the fucking thing didn't move and one of it's legs got ripped off and the other ones look handicapped so there's this giant nasty handicapped spider sitting in the bathroom and one of it's giant decapitated legs just sitting there.

Chris doesn't come home from work until like 11 am.

What the fuck am I going to do? it's too big. I will not be able to get over the fear and kill this spider. It's too fucking big and disgusting and visible even to my poor vision eyes. The only reason I can kill other spiders now is poor vision, if I can't see it, I don't get as phobic.

I can't take this. How will I sleep knowing these huge ass spiders are living in my apartment?

I feel so itchy, my skin is crawling and tingling.

poison_mekare @ 2008-06-15T17:24:00

2008-06-15T21:32:09Z

NO! Not my lambs Quarters!

Elizabeth's ex is a do-it-all plumber-come-gardener kinda guy, he employs a couple people, and sometimes come do a few things around the house for Elizabeth.

Anyway, yesterday or the day before I can't remember, they came to cut the grass. No problem right? They left my garden alone last time. Well not this time. They absolutely destroyed my lamb's quarters. Everything from the seedlings to the bigger plants. It's gone.

I just discovered it now. GAH!

I guess next time (if they grow back this season) I will have to post a little sign to make sure it's well known that they are wanted and to please leave them in peace.

;_;

Well, at least the bush beans are starting to grow, I've got all little flowers going on. The broccoli is still limited to all foliage. Big glorious foliage, but still, just foliage.

poison_mekare @ 2008-06-11T17:06:00

2008-06-11T21:27:33Z

Since Elizabeth (landlady) told Chris that she's given up on her share of the garden and I can do anything I want with it, I just spent the last hour fixing up the garden bed. I stepped down a trench in the middle, I transplanted all the lamb's quarters, wood sorrel (lemony tasting shamrock) and purslane that were growing wild over the empty plot. They're moved to the side of the plot now. I still want them but I want clear space for growing other stuff too. I dug up and tossed aside all diseased plants and other mystery weeds I have no use for.

The spinach is all bolting now and looking sparse. It's not growing leaves anymore. I'm going to wait for the plants to die, save the seeds and probably plant more broccoli seeds in that plot. It had a good run, I'll rely on the lamb's quarters and purslane for greens from now on.

I stuck an eyed potato in some of the cleared space. I figure one potato plant is plenty for my little plot, but I may add another tomorrow. I'm going to go buy some sprouted garlic from the grocery store and plant some. for baby garlic I thought I'd dug up all the garlic but it appears two escaped my notice and are still growing. It's too late to do shallots or any such things, we likely won't be here next year.

I watered everything for the transplanted plant's benefit and my little plot is no longer sad looking, in fact it's looking downright proud of itself!

My house is looking rough again. Toys toys toys... Time to vacuum the carpet and cobwebs again. Time to do the dishes. Time to get a few things from the grocery store (saran wrap, sprouted garlic, garlic powder for cooking, paper towel for baby wipes, what else?)

poison_mekare @ 2008-06-07T16:10:00

2008-06-07T20:18:16Z

Oh yeah haha I forgot. Yesterday was cool, April had the best time chasing around her cousin Eucina. I made Chris promise to take us over there more often. I know he hates Eucina and her mom but April really doesn't get to play with other kids very often, and she got so excited when she was playing with Eucina that I almost wanted to cry for her usual lack of play. They were chasing each other around and April was almost screaming with happiness. My little sweetheart.

Eucina is April's slightly older cousin. She's almost four now. She's a skinny little thing hehe. April is almost as tall as her, only half a head shorter and at least as stout, maybe more. You should have seen Chris's grandmother's eyes goggling at April, she couldn't believe how big she'd gotten. It's been a long time since we saw them last. It was like, last spring, or so.

We'd gone to the park earlier yesterday and April tried to play with the other toddlers but they weren't very social. They kept getting mad at her, of course this is because April kept trying to take their shoes, LOL. At least she's trying to be friendly!

poison_mekare @ 2008-06-04T07:57:00

2008-06-04T12:06:34Z

I'm making pancakes right now for breakfast. yum! I need to leave soon to go work lol.

poison_mekare @ 2008-06-03T15:47:00

2008-06-03T20:14:49Z

Chris is at a job interview right now. I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping beyond all hopes that he gets it! I'm hoping even more that he gets nights, since he and I decided that if he can get nights, I should try to get more cleaning jobs during the day when he's home, otherwise I'll have to stick to his days off. We can switch off on who watches April. He figured that he'd get about 5 hours of sleep, I'll likely get more but I'll take care of food so he doesn't have to waste valuable sleep time cooking. It's worth it and it makes me feel good to be bringing in some income finally, after so long of not making anything.

I have my game plan for tomorrow's job all worked out. I have a list of all the things I need to do and in which order to do them, that way I won't waste time getting myself oriented.

There's three bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, and a bathroom, I'm guessing a dining room too, since she said two floors, or at least a couple hallways. It'll probably be a four/five hour job for sure. I estimate 30 minutes per room and doing laundry inbetween cleaning rooms.

We went out today and bought some bulk groceries, just cheap carbs and stuff. I got bread, cream of wheat cereal, rice, potatoes, and dried split peas and some of my cleaning supplies and soy milk and 2 dozen eggs. Something to make up the base of soups and dinners and whatnot. I'll just buy the odd veggies and meat as we need it.

Tonight we're having pasta, tuna and a creamy sauce with chickpeas. It's pretty delicious. We haven't made it in forever.

poison_mekare @ 2008-06-02T09:21:00

2008-06-02T14:03:37Z

I scrubbed out the bathtub today. It looks so wonderful and shiny. We took a bath in it. I think April is finally over her fear of the bath. Thank goodness! Now I just need to dig up her bath toys from my mom's place and she can have a grand old time again.

I'm going to post on freecycle to put up a wanted ad for a dehumidifyer for the bedroom. A long shot, I know. But hey you never know. Maybe someone upgraded and has an extra one hanging around somewhere. The bills are a little too high this month to be able to get one and it's already getting humid in that room. I don't want to spend another summer in a mouldy hell, and besides that, the moisture attracts spiders.

It's funny, but I get way more edible weeds hanging around the garden than I get from the spinach, and currently, any of the other plants (carrots have no orange roots yet, no broccoli heads and one bush bean plant died, and the other isn't producing yet). Lamb's quarters always makes up the bulk of my greens now. Good thing it's so healthy for you (better than spinach, even TONS of vitamin A and lots of Vitamin C). I tossed some purslane into the potato soup last night for some added omega-3 fatty acids (my big "Flick You" to fish oil, lol). I also dug up the baby garlic early to get some fresh garlic in the soup.

We need to go do some grocery shopping again. It's nuts, how much food we go through even when I'm trying to conserve! I'm definitely picking up a big bag of split peas. I think it's time to start eating rice again, too. We haven't bought rice to eat in probably a year, at the very least there hasn't been any rice in the pantry in 9 months.

I think I'm going to put up ads on Craigslist to offer cleaning services on weekends. I can't do weekdays, but I think it's important to at least try to get some sort of work, Chris finally has a decent steady schedule (well, for now) and I can have him watch her so I can go make some money. I'd thought about it a while ago but it slipped my mind. A girl on AMA was asking about doing the same thing and it reminded me that I should give it a go, finally. Babysitting for now isn't a good idea, but when April is a little more mature then you know I'll give it another shot too.

I'm not too proud to get paid to clean, f*ck it, a job is a job and someone has to do the service jobs, y/y?